Thursday, 31 January 2013

Are You a Proponent..??

Sharing a mail I recieved with you.

Are you a proponent? Then please answer these questions ,

1. There are nearly 52 Muslim countries. Show one Muslim country which    

provides Haj subsidy.

2. Show one Muslim country where Hindus are extended the special rights 

that Muslims are accorded in India?

3. Show one Muslim country which has a Non-Muslim as its President or 


4. Show one country where the 85% majority craves for the indulgence of 

the 15% minority.

5. Show one Mullah or Maulvi who has declared a 'fatwa' against terrorists.

6. Hindu-majority Maharashtra, Bihar, Kerala,Pondicherry,etc. Have in the 

pastelected Muslims as CMs; Can you ever imagine a Hindu becoming the 

CM of Muslim - majority J&K?

7. Today Hindus constitute 85% of the Indian population. If Hindus are 

intolerant, how come Masjids and Madrassas are thriving? How come 

Muslims are offering Namaz on the road? How come Muslims are 

proclaiming 5 times a day on loudspeakers that there is no God except 


8. When Hindus gave to Muslims 30% of Bharat for a song, why should 

Hindus now beg for their sacred places at Ayodhya, Mathura and Kashi?

9. Why temple funds are spent for the welfare of Muslims and Christians, 

when they are free to spend their money in any way they like?

10. When uniform is made compulsory for school children, whythere is no 

Uniform Civil Code for citizens?

11. In what way, J&K is different from Maharashtra, TamilNadu or Uttar 

Pradesh, to have article 370?

Friday, 25 January 2013

Mission india education : Nagaland

Well defined objective oriented consistent effort to produce knowledge empowered manpower is the need of the society.The "horizontal" modal of academic leadership that emphasize collaboration and team work among the similar institutes as well as group of individuals can bring wonders in the field of academia.Organizational need to account for professional practices and expanding academic staff whose work contained an exploratory and innovative component; and growth in graduate and post graduate programmes need equivalents to the knowledge-transfer models.There is a need to understand teaching ,research and inovation,and this represents an opportunity to reorient the existing and required systems by which teaching and research are undertaken and supported.

 One of the most revered personalities Dr. A.P.J.Abdul Kalam, Rightly stated that the ` 21th Century belongs to the knowledge age,where acquisition,possession and application of knowledge are the most important resources.knowledge has been the prime mover of prosperity and power; it empowers and enriches people,causes societal transformation,encourages discoveries and innovations,causes goodnesss in all spheres of the society resulting peace and prosperity.`knowledge is the sum total of education ,experience,research,intelligence and is basically harnessed in academic institutions.

 English is the official language of the state since 1967 as announced by the state of assembly and nagamese common lingua-franca.the state has 1,520 primay school with 2,24,715 enrolments,481 middle schools with 92,271 enrolments and 449 high and higher secondary schools having enrolments of 54,635 students.Nagaland has a literacy rate of 80.11%, male 83.29%, and female 76.99%. as per 2011 census .In 2001,the literacy rate in the state was 66.59%, a change of 13.52% is registered.This proves that the state has grown signficantly inthe education sector.The literacy rate of the state is much higher than the natinal average .Out of the total population of the state 12% numbering 1,38,637 is in the age group of 18-23 years.

 Every year 1000 students go for higher learning outside the state .In view of the youth of age group of 18-23 years,an alarmingly huge population of the school dropouts has been resulted every year.The present ratio of student :teacher in the country is almost 20:1. 
 finally i want to say that This data indicates that indian misson a long term planning and well orchestrated implementation strategy has to be taken up with the mission of "for the quality by the quality".

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Patriotic poem


नदी, झील, झरनों की झाँकी मनमोहक है,  
सुमनों से सजी घाटी-घाटी मेरे देश की।
सुरसरिता-सी सौम्य संस्कृति की सुवास,
विश्व भर में गई है बाँटी मेरे देश की।
पूरी धऱती को एक परिवार मानने की,
पावन प्रणम्य परिपाटी मेरे देश की।
शत-शत बार बंदनीय अभिनंदनीय,
चंदन से कम नहीं माटी मेरे देश की।।
कान्हा की कला पे रीझकर भक्ति भावना
के, छंद रचते हैं रसखान मेरे देश में।
तुलसी के साथ में रहीम से मुसलमान,
है निभाते कविता की आन मेरे देश में।
बिसमिल और अशफाक से उदाहरण,
साथ-साथ होते कुरबान मेरे देश में।
जब भी ज़रूरत पड़ी है तब-तब हुए,
एक हिंदू व मुसलमान मेरे देश में।"


Emperor`s tales gives courage to indian people



Vikramaditya was a king at Ujjain in the 6th century. The management of his kingdom being based on science of Dharma was very well maintained. There were 9 Main Ministers (Navaratnas) in his court for the smooth functioning of  the administration. Vikramaditya’s  father was Mahendradatta, mother, Saumyadarshana and a brother, Bhartruhari.   Vikramaditya defeated the Shakas of Arabia and incorporated that part to his empire. 'Barham Bin Soi', has beautifully described this victory of Vikramaditya in his poem.  Out of the 60 years of Vikramaditya's life, 25 years were spent in fighting wars.  He was a symbol of endurance.  He was very generous and a ruler with always well-being of his subject at heart.  Although he himself was a Shaiva (Name of a sect who are followers of Deity Shiva), he used to respect all other sects and religions equally.  Dhanvantari, Kshapanak, Amarsinh, Shanku, Vetal Bhatt, Khatkarpara, Kalidas, Varahmihir, and Vararuchi were the 9 Ministers in his Court. 

        2.              GREAT EMPEROR ASHOKA 

Asoka was one of the most powerful kings of the Indian subcontinent. A ruler of the Mauryan Empire, Ashoka ruled over the country from 273 BC to 232 BC. The reign of Emperor Asoka covered most of India, South Asia and beyond, stretching from present day Afghanistan and parts of Persia in the west, to Bengal and Assam in the east, and Mysore in the south. However, the Battle of Kalinga changed King Asoka completely. From a power hungry emperor, he turned into a Buddhist follower and started preaching the principles of Buddhism throughout the world. Read on this biography to know more about the life history of 'Ashoka the Great':

Monday, 21 January 2013

The impotance of play in child`s life

Its true that education is like a building block for a childs future. All parents dream for a better career for their childs life. Everybody wants their child to be doctor, engineer and wants to see them in high posts. In this cut throat competition children get pressurise with their activities to the extent that they don't get spare time for their own entertainment. Teachers also keep the child busy during the holidays by giving them assignments and homework. Earlier children used to play with their siblings. So, the children easily got a play environment at the home. However, now the time spent by children in playing was very less as compared to the past two decades. Parents should understand that play is an important activity and they should not deprive their child from this opportunity. 
Group games allow children to learn the values of team spirit. It also teaches them to cooperate with other members of the team and develop self discipline. This also enables them to face negative situation in life and make them strong when they get defeated. Many studies have proved that children playing games which have lots of violence are likely to be more short tempered and aggressive. 
It is the duty of the parents to find out whether the child knows the difference between fantasy and reality. When this problem is not uprooted in the initial stages then it can take very ugly turn in childs life and they will start presuming that real life is also like the games which they play. It will have a negative impact on children mind because inappropriate games will impart wrong set of values in them. Through play children develop essential life skills; they also learn how to interact with their peers and adults. It is through play that children develop essential life skills; they learn how to interact with their peers and with adults. 

There are certain benefits that child get after playing. These benefits are given below: 

1. Reduces fear, anxiety, stress, irritability 

2. Creates joy, intimacy, self-esteem and mastery not based on others loss of esteem 

3. Improves emotional flexibility and openness 

4. Increases calmness, resilience and adaptability and ability to deal with surprise and change 

5. Decreases tactile defensiveness 

6. Healing process for hurts 

7. Enhances feelings of acceptance of difference 

8. Increases empathy, compassion, and sharing 

9. Creates options and choices 

10. Models relationships based on inclusion rather than exclusion 

11. Alternative to aggressor-victim model of relationships 

12. Decreases revenge and need for self defence 

13. Improves touch and nonverbal socialisation skills 

14. Increases attention and attachment capacities 

15. Positive emotions increase the efficiency of immune, endocrine, and cardiovascular systems 

16. Decreases stress, fatigue, injury, and depression 

17. Integrates sensor motor, kinesthetic and emotional responses 

Indian in 21th century

 At the stroke of the midnight hour, between a few seconds of 31 December, 2000 and 1st January 2001, the third millennium was born. The birth of the new millennium was celebrated with great joy, enthusiasm and spirit all over the world, as the global media projected a new millennium image everywhere. It was indeed a landmark in human history and on that auspicious occasion, prayers were held all over the world. We should make it an era of peace and prosperity. But the thinking seems to be unfavourable for such a step.

 Life today is a struggle of man against problems. Problems are increasing day by day. Let us come together, think together and work together to face these problems with courage and conviction. There is need for a political will, democratic spirit, dynamic leadership and collective responsibility to put an end to the present day complex problems. This is essential for the safety, security and progress of man on earth.

One of the best politics leader


Rajiv Gandhi was born into India's most famous political family. His grandfather was the Indian independence leader Jawaharlal Nehru, who was India's first Prime Minister after independence. Rajiv Gandhi was not related to Mahatma Gandhi, although they share the same surname. His father, Feroze, was one of the younger members of the Indian national Congress party, and had befriended the young Indira, and also her mother Kamala Nehru, while working on party affairs at Allahabad. Subsequently, Indira and Feroze grew closer to each other while in England, and they married, despite initial objections from Jawaharlal due to his religion .
Rajiv was born in 1944 in Mumbai, during a time when both his parents were in and out of British prisons. In August 1947, Jawaharlal Nehru became the prime minister of independent India, and the family settled in Allahabad and then at Lucknow. where Feroze became the editor of the National Herald newspaper . The marriage was faltering and, in 1949, Indira and the two sons moved to Delhi to live with Jawaharlal, ostensibly so that Indira could assist her father in his duties, acting as official hostess, and helping run the huge residence. Meanwhile, Feroze continued alone in Lucknow. In 1952, Indira helped Feroze manage his campaign for elections to the first Parliament of India from Rae Barely.

After becoming an MP, Feroze Gandhi also moved to Delhi, but "Indira continued to stay with her father, thus putting the final seal on the separation. Relations were strained further when Feroze challenged corruption within the Congress leadership over the Haridas Mundhra scandal. Jawaharlal suggested that the matter be resolved in private, but Feroze insisted on taking the case directly to parliament:
"The Parliament must exercise vigilance and control over the biggest and most powerful financial institution it has created, the Life insurance corporation of India, whose misapplication of public funds we shall scrutinise today." Feroze Gandhi, Speech in Parliament, 16 December 1957.
The scandal, and its investigation by justice M C Changla, lead to the resignation of one of Nehru's key allies, finance minister T.T.Krishnacharai, further alienating Feroze from Jawaharlal.
After Feroze Gandhi had a heart attack in 1958, the family was reconciled briefly when they holidayed in Kashmir Feroze died soon afterwards from a second heart attack in 1960.

Some Business Ideas in India

To make the ideas for business fruitful and working focus on those activities that help you generate a good amount of financials and also a good ROI.. You don't have to do a huge business but just the right plan and a good execution will make way for it. An idea of a business plan works if you measure the time and save by establishing rules in your business and thus spend a lot of time on your business.
ROI can be measured by the prestige of the company and the industry as such and how much the opportunities the company has.

  • Will your business idea lead to a bigger business and success?
    • To determine this, you have to analyze your vision and mission of the company. If you spend a focused time and move closer to your goal then will you reach your desired outcome?

      How would you determine the returns from your business?Determine the cash outflow. The outflow cash need to be determined in advance.
      Will the ROI help in reduction of the errors?Determine how the ROI will impact your business
      How will it increase the time and the prestige of my company?

    • This is to position your company as a business leader and also entice all your business prospects. There are numerous things that you can do with a good business idea in India. The investment wouldn't be high but with a minimal amount of capital you can start being your own master.
    • Here are a few ideas that you can take up as a startup business idea:

Indian internet economy

Internet’s contribution to GDP will grow from $30 billion to $100 billion by 2015
The Internet has established its role as a powerful economic force multiplier with a new study projecting that its contribution to India’s GDP will explode to $100 billion (Rs. 5 lakh crore) by 2015 from $30 billion (Rs.1.5 lakh crore) at present.
The study on the “Impact of Internet on the Indian Economy” by McKinsey, which is still to be released, could well become a new anchor for the government’s programmes to enhance digital citizenship.
Revealing the highlights of the study, in the presence of Telecom Minister Kapil Sibal at a curtain raiser held to announce a two-day multistakeholder conference on Internet governance to be held at FICCI here on October 4-5, McKinsey said the contribution of the Internet to global GDP is roughly three per cent or $1.7 trillion and its performance in India will eventually mirror this trend.
The world currently has 2 billion Internet users, of whom 50 per cent live outside the developed world. The global Internet population is projected to climb to 2.6-2.9 billion by 2015. According to McKinsey, of this, 30 “aspiring countries” with a very high economic growth have seen Internet users grow at five times the level in the developed world. In the next 10 years, netizens in these 30 countries are projected to grow at 10 times the pace in the developed world.
By 2015, based on existing projections, India, which with 120 million users has the third largest Internet user base in the world, is projected to hit 350 million, catapulting it to a global ranking of 2, with the fastest rate of growth. An alternative growth model used by McKinsey, factoring in the trend that wireless-based expansion usually overshoots any standard formula, presents a more ambitious forecast of half a billion Internet users by 2015. This is good news for mobile companies since three out of every four or 75 per cent of all new Internet users in India are expected to go online, using wireless devices. Globally, 15-20 per cent of the users access Internet on wireless technologies, while in India this figure will eventually be closer to 55 per cent.


Sunday, 20 January 2013

Why Do Not Indian People Get Noble In Science & Technology ??

Few Indian are willing to pursue a career in research in their own country as the enabling environment for it is missing.

Mr.Manmohan singh,who is the prime minister of India urged scientists to give top priority to research that would address pressing problems in the country,such ass energy security,agricultural productivity,safe drinking water and sanitation.

scientists across disciplines to collaborate with one another and with private research labs to foster innovation that would improve living conditions in India.
If that is happen,the country would first need an environment for research.A recent survey by the national bureau of economic research in the united states contains some revealing numbers.Switzerland has the highest rate of immigrant scientists and the united states,unsurprisingly,is the most popular academic destination around the world.

But shocking for India,40% of its research are emigrating to pursue their search abroad; the aspiring economic powerhouse is at the bottom of the list for retaining research talent..
So why does a country with trillion dollar economy not attract its own researches??

The protection and utilisation of public funded intellectual property bill(PUPFIP) the Indian equivalent of the Bayh-Dohle act,has been pending in parliament since 2008.if passed,it could help to leverage the best out of the intellectual properties of patents.A recent report from the Indian school business estimates that the total R&D spending of the top 100 companies is Rs.11500 crore,Only 13 percent of it goes into partnerships universities.
Intellectual property regulation and awareness could assist in increasing this share of spending by corporates in building university research centres.

Saturday, 19 January 2013

Cap On Subsidised LPG Cylinders Is Good move

These numbers are the subsidized LPG cylinders delivered to the house of the ministers when the subsidy burden on LPG is estimated to be about Rs.25,000 crore. Subsidy is nothing but tax payers money which has multiple developmental use. By supplying one subsidized cylinders every day to rich industrialist like Naveen Jindal, the oil companies did nothing but pushing some tax payers money to industrialists’ house.

There are many small shops were one can get LPG car

filled with subsidized LPG. Many restaurants use 

subsidized LPG cylinders. Many marriage halls used 

domestic subsidized LPGs to cook food for thousands of 

people. The tax payer’s money went in drain. If this was 

curtailed we could have saved thousands of crore rupees 

and used it for development purpose.

Restricting subsidized LPG to 6 cylinders a year is a good 

move by Government of India. Six cylinders may be the 

minimum requirement for a small family of 4. On average 

one LPG connection per family got 8 cylinders a year last 

year. While getting 6 on subsidy a family can get another 

two cylinders by paying full amount. This will definitely 

curtail the misutilization of subsidized LPG. 

For government, reducing the subsidy expenditure will help in maintaining lower fiscal deficit. Lower fiscal deficit lowers the external borrowing. In total, though it is viewed as a tough decision by the government will definitely help in country’s prosperity.

Government should take some more brave steps to pay subsidy amount directly to the beneficiary through their bank account. This UID- unique identification – Adhaar number based subsidy scheme is already under pilot run in Mysore. This will definitely give justice to both the tax payer’s money and subsidy.



Friday, 18 January 2013


                                                                LEAD INDIA
                                               POPULAR POST ON THE BLOGGER

Wednesday, 16 January 2013


Like the public distribution system,in which only below poverty line (BPL) families get essential food items like rice and wheat and kerosene at subsidised rates, subsidised LPG cylinders too should have been restricted to only the poor.
Just like the tiger that has tasted blood does not settle for anything less, APL families will fight a diesel price hike of Rs 4.50 a litre and Rs. 100 per LPG cylinder.let us hope people will accept the  hike in the interests of the exchequer and understand that this is an inevitable burden.
The article clearly explains how the subsidies meant for the poor are being consumed by the rich,with political patronage to protect them,there is a very little hope
that things will change.just because the rich misuse the subsidy on diesel,the poor have to bear the burnt.
An increase in the price of diesel will lead to hike in the cost of essential items.The government should take the bold step of banning diesel guzzlers.

Monday, 14 January 2013

Govind Jaiswal: An Impossible Journey of a Rickshaw-Puller’s Son who Rose Against the Odds to Become an IAS Officer

“I am very sure that all the youngsters who are living in deprivation and facing consistent difficulties can accomplish anything and everything provided they have the will and courage.” – Govind Jaiswal Once an 11-year-old boy, the son of an illiterate rickshaw puller, went to play at his considerably rich and respected friend’s house. Minutes later, he was insulted, disgraced and literally thrown out. The educated man yelled at him, “How dare you come here and mix with my son; don’t you know who you are and where you belong?” Vindictive taunts and phrases like ‘However much you study, you will still be a rickshaw-puller’ son, ‘What is your worth? You can only take your father’s business a bit further’, ‘Your father’s one rickshaw can become two or three tomorrow with your initiation’ were very common in his life to stumble upon on a daily basis.
 But these ‘TAUNTS and INSULTS’ steeled Govind Jaiswal’s determination and initiated a dream journey for him to become an IAS officer. A question ‘What to do so that people respect me?’ knocked his deep and the answer, he received from somebody, ‘Either you request your father to change his profession or you become big’ shook him from inside. It was impossible for him to change the profession of his father so he chose the second. An 11 year old Govind did not know what it took to become an IAS officer but he knew he will do his every bit to see himself where he wanted to. Govind started spending most of his time studying with cotton jammed in his ears to stop the extreme clatter of printing machines and generators of his neighbourhood. His father somehow managed a math tuition for him by investing all his hard work, energy and courage to make his son’s dream come true. He studied in government school and college and took advantage of students’ library.
 Later, on completion of graduation, he was sent to Delhi with Rs. 40,000 that his father managed by selling his only remaining piece of land. Govind ensured his father’s investment don’t go in vain and studied 18 hours a day. He often skipped one or two meals a day to save money and practiced rigorously. In 2006, one of the most emotional and proudest moments came in his life when 23 year old Govind ranked #48 among 474 successful candidates in the Civil Services Exam. Unlike most of the toppers, it was his very first attempt. In an interview to a TV channel, his sister Nirmala said, “My father had hardest time sending me money; he was exhausted and could not go beyond this year. It was becoming tough pulling rickshaw with his wounded legs. Govind was also earning Rs. 1,500 from tuitions, which is still less for living in a city like Delhi. I don’t know what would have happened if he’d not have made it this year……from 10 days before the results were to be announced, my father could not sleep a wink” “Anyone who can understand my hardships and circumstances will realize that I had no other option. Neither I could go for a lower government jobs as they are mostly fixed nor I could start a business as I had no money for it. I went for the option I was left with: worked hard on studies” Govind said after successful medical procedures, which is mandatory for IAS.
 His success dramatically changed his life forever. Today, Govind Jaiswal is a respected IAS officer whose success story inspires and motivates thousands of youths across India. While our country India has been suffering from the lack of accountability and corruption, Govind’s thoughts are flamed by the honesty and idealism of youth. He is thankful to his hardships and struggles and is determined not to drown his character or honesty or be influenced by anything in future. It is apparent when he says, “Today I am thankful to my circumstances and hardships through which I have evolved and curved progress. Now that I am an officer my character has been be put to the test and that is a proof for me to see what a real man I am.” Lessons from Govind Jaiswal’s Story: Don’t break down if someone tries to show where you belong to. Give them a meaningful answer not by your words but by your actions and courage. These people are ignorant about you worth and potential. Willpower is the key ingredient of any accomplishment. Be so determined that nobody could stop you from moving ahead! There are and will be a bunch of negative people on your way of destination, ready to discourage you by saying ‘No’ and this is the time when you perseverance be put on test — break or achieve what you dream of; prove or only imagine. Never take you idleness for granted under the pretext of hardships that bring life lessons and help you to find out the right way to accomplish anything you want. Remember, every great personality emerged through their hardships. Don’t take shelter in some lame excuses as it keeps you from overcoming challenges and making a thing possible.
 There is a very good saying, “Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.” – George Washington Carver Don’t waste your energy on worthless and insignificant events. There were many times when Govind Jaiswal felt like hitting negative people who were consistently taunting him but he never did lost his cool; instead, he used his all his energy in pursuing his dreams.

Thursday, 10 January 2013


बहता पानी और रमता जोगी ही शुद्ध रहते हैं | ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
हिंदू संस्कृति आध्यात्मिकता की अमर आधारशिला पर आधारित है। ~~स्वामी विवेकानंद
पक्षपात सब बुराइयों की जड़ है | ~ स्वामी विवेकानन्द
भय ही पतन और पाप का निश्चित कारण है | ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
ज्ञानी कभी किसी व्यक्ति कि स्वतंत्रता , समानता , सम्मान एयर स्वायत्तता को भंग नहीं कर्ता है | ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
आदर्श, अनुशासन, मर्यादा, परिश्रम, ईमानदारी तथा उच्च मानवीय मूल्यों के बिना किसी का जीवन महान नहीं बन सकता है| ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
मन की दुर्बलता से अधिक भयंकर और कोई पाप नहीं है। स्वामी विवेकानंद
आपदा ही एक ऐसी स्थिति है,जो हमारे जीवन कि गहराइयों में अन्तर्दृष्टि पैदा करती है | ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
हम भारतीय सभी धर्मों के प्रति केवल सहिष्णुता में ही विश्वास नहीं करते , वरन सभी धर्मों को सच्चा मानकर स्वीकार भी करते हैं | ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
महान त्याग से ही महान कार्य सम्भव है | ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
हमें लोहे के पुट्ठे और इस्पात के स्नायु चाहिए, जिनमें वज्र सा मन निवास करे |~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
वस्तुएं बल से छीनी या धन से खरीदी जा सकती हैं, किंतु ज्ञान केवल अध्ययन से ही प्राप्त हो सकता है | ~स्वामी विवेकानंद
जितना अध्ययन करते हैं, उतना ही हमें अपने अज्ञान का आभास होता जाता है | ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
जिसके साथ श्रेष्ठ विचार रहते हैं, वह कभी भी अकेला नहीं रह सकता | ~स्वामी विवेकानंद
वह नास्तिक है, जो अपने आप में विश्वास नहीं रखता | ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद
“Where can we go to find God if we cannot see Him in our own hearts and in every living being?” - Swami Vivekananda
“हम ईश्वर को कहाँ पा सकते हैं अगर हम उसे अपने आप में और अन्य जीवों में नहीं देखते?” स्वामीविवेकानंद
“You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.” - Swami Vivekananda
“आप को अपने भीतर से ही विकास करना होता है। कोई आपको सीखा नहीं सकता, कोई आपको आध्यात्मिक नहीं बना सकता। आपको सिखाने वाला और कोई नहीं, सिर्फ आपकी आत्मा ही है।” स्वामीविवेकानंद
“You cannot believe in God until you believe in yourself.” - Swami Vivekananda
“आप ईश्वर में तब तक विश्वास नहीं कर पाएंगे जब तक आप अपने आप में विश्वास नहीं करते.” स्वामी विवेकानंद
“Arise, Awake and Stop not till the goal is reached.” - Swami Vivekananda
“जागें, उठें और न रुकें जब तक लक्ष्य तक न पहुंच जाएं.” स्वामी विवेकानंद
“We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far.” - Swami Vivekananda
“हमारे व्यक्तित्व की उत्पत्ति हमारे विचारों में है; इसलिए ध्यान रखें कि आप क्या विचारते हैं. शब्द गौण हैं. विचार मुख्य हैं; और उनका असर दूर तक होता है.” स्वामी विवेकानंद

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Thursday, 3 January 2013


Once every few weeks, I go home to my parents’ house and we have dinner together. In the last year my relationship with my parents has been better then it’s ever been. At least I’d like to think it is. We don’t argue about much anymore, and I actually look forward to seeing them every few weeks. Earlier this week, I  was at my parents house and that thread that every single Indian person over the age of thirty(who is not in a relationship) dreads started: marriage and dating.

First my mom showed me wedding pictures of a cousin who got married a few weeks back. Then she showed me pictures of another cousin’s new born baby. Then she started to tell me about how the people in the Indian community were asking if  I was going to be getting married anytime soon. In fact they’d asked so many times that she and my dad have had to develop a series of smart A#$#$ responses so that people would stop asking. Some of these responses were funny so, I’ll share them below:

  • Dad: If you’ve heard our kids have gotten married, please let us know
  • Mom: I don’t have any grandkids that I know of
  • My own smart AS#$# response if I’m ever asked: Sure I’d love to meet a nice Indian girl if you know any that also like girls. (I just want to see the look on some old Indian lady’s face when I tell her that). Even if she goes into cardiac arrest, it’s nothing to worry about because there’s bound to be a doctor nearby.
All of this I think was a not so subtle way to ask “why the hell don’t you have a girlfriend yet?”  So instead of arguing which I used to do, I thought to myself “shit that’s going to make a great blog post”. Thanks mom :)

A Culture of Expectations

In the community I grew up in, we are raised with lots of expectations. There are certain life paths that you follow and certain ones you don’t.
  • Get Good Grades: If you’re one of those kids who had your report card put on the refrigerator when you got good grades,  I can’t relate to the way you were raised at all. When you’re Indian, nobody puts your report cards on refrigerators because it’s expected that you get straight A’s. If we got an A-, people would ask you us why we didn’t get an A+. I have a cousin who’s grandfather was a math professor, so for every birthday he got a new math book. I guess the upside is that he’s good at math. So, basically the expectation is high academic standards from time time we actually get a report card. This isn’t so bad, since it’s sets us up to do well in life.

  • Go to a Good College: If an Indian kid told his parents that he didn’t want to go to college, he’d probably be disowned. I’m not joking. An Indian kid knows he’d have to be out of his damn mind to even put this theory to the test. Ramit Sethi even said it in his book I will reach to be Rich ,  not going to college would never be an option. Again, this isn’t such a bad thing. But, people will judge you for where you went to college. If you go somewhere second rate, you won’t be talked about at the Indian parties that your parents go to every week. If you go to a good school, then you've got many more expextations coming.

  • Study Something Practical: This is one of my personal favorites since I’ve never used my degree in any of the jobs I’ve had. I have a degree in environmental economics and policy, and the only thing I remember is taking a class where the professor was talking about how to maximize the amount of milk you could get out of a cow. Mention the idea of studying something that has no practical use and you’ll get some blank stares from people in the community. Part of me wants to find the UC-Berkeley course catalog, find the most obscure major in it, and tell everybody that was what I studied. The way I see it, I might was well have some fun if I’m going to put up with this.
  • Go to Med School, Law School, Become an Engineer or a Doctor: I know Indians are not alone in this. I’ve heard Persians, Asians, and immigrants in general fit this mold.  The question people will ask if you don’t go down one of these tried and true paths is “well, then what the hell are you going to do?” Becoming a blogger and planning to spend a year traveling the world to surf is definitely not on this list. Fortunately, I have a sister who has satisfied our quota by going to medical school.
  • Get Married before your 30(if you’re a girl, soon after for guys): This of course is what inspired me to write this post. My mom started telling me that people have certain expectations of you when you’re in your early 30’s. One of them is that you get married.  My stock on paper is apparently plummeting by the moment. What started out as “we don’t put any pressure on you about this” turned into a phone call from my grandmother who wanted to know when she was going to be able to wear a sari that she had bought for my wedding.
Then while my dad was washing the car, the first thing he  asked me was  “so, have you found a girlfriend, or have you seen any girl that you like? Are you even trying?”  I didn’t argue.  I told him about my attempt to use okcuipd. and the overall inefficiencies of sending out one email after another (maybe I should outsource it to India). I explained to him that I wasn’t sitting in my apartment like a hermit and that I’ve been making a significant effort to meet people, but this stress about is not really going to to help the situation.
I’ve said before that that it’s really important to make the distinction between setting and setting down.Although I grew up with Indian values, the more I’ve drilled into my own personality with this journey, the more I’ve realized that I don’t identify with Indian values. I don’t even want to raise my own kids with many of these values. My dad asked if I’d ruled out Indian girls completely, and I said “no, but for the most part I don’t see myself with an Indian girl. I’m not closed off to the possibility. But the probability doesn’t seem that high.” When he mentioned that there are girls they could introduce me to, part of me was tempted to have him setup a bunch of dates and then write a series here on the blog about it. Then, at least something useful would come out of it.
What this comes down to is something simple. you should not live  on other people’s expectations. The Indian community might have expectations, but they are not the ones who have to live with my decisions. After the 500 person wedding that they want to attend on my tab, they won’t give a shi#$#. They’ll find some other kid who hasn’t gotten married to gossip and worry about.
The truth is I’m just starting to learn quite a bit about who I really am. A house in the suburbs, white picket fences, and an escape from my life once a year doesn’t seem like a very rich way to live life. In fact with a world so vast, I feel like this would only be living a small percentage of my life.  If I was bordering 40 and hadn’t been on a date in 10 years, then maybe my parents would have a reason to worry. So to my mom and dad, what  I can say is this. If you have taught me anything, it’s that worrying is a waste of time and energy. If I’m not going to waste my time an energy worrying about this, then maybe you should do the same. The community will never stop talking because that’s what they do.